Power and the Cost of Leaving
Whoever can do without the other is the stronger one. — Folk wisdom One partner says: “If you don’t like it, leave.” The line looks emotional, but its force is…
Your partner’s parents
Meeting your partner’s family isn’t a competition for approval. It is a mutual gathering of information. The family shows you: which ways of having a conflict count as normal, how…
Love without workplace dependence
Romantic culture loves stories in which love overcomes asymmetries of rank, age and money. In reality dependence mixes consent with fear of the consequences. Relationships are especially risky where dependence…
Mistake and Cause
The popular cult of the mistake suggests celebrating every misstep as a free lesson. Mistakes are unavoidable, but they don’t become useful automatically. After a mistake, a person knows that…
Doubt Is a Signal, Not a Verdict
Doubt is useful when it reports a risk you have not accounted for. Before overtaking, transferring money, signing a contract or taking an irreversible step, the inner sense that something…
Monogamy, non-monogamy and the rules of a union
…the best thing is to explain each case separately, without trying to generalise. — Anton Chekhov, “About Love” (1898) Two couples call themselves monogamous. In the first, people count only…