Walk away before the fight

The culture of manhood still offers to prove your worth by a readiness to accept a physical challenge. The best outcome of a fight, however, is not finding out who is stronger but the fight not happening.

A street fight is unpredictable. One punch, a fall, a concealed weapon or a second participant can turn an argument about a look or a word into an injury, a court case and a completely pointless fork in your biography.

So it is worth leaving earlier than the moment the situation becomes obviously dangerous.

Warning signs:

• the distance closing;
• the exit being blocked;
• an abrupt change of tone;
• ostentatiously removing clothing or jewellery;
• a group appearing;
• an attempt to move you somewhere else;
• hands that are no longer visible;
• a person who does not hear words and is looking for a pretext.

Where possible, increase the distance, move towards people, security or a lit area, leave or run. Defending your dignity does not require accepting someone else’s invitation to the trauma ward.

An apology to an aggressive stranger can be a way out of the situation rather than an admission of moral fault. His opinion of your courage will stop mattering roughly two minutes after you part.

A smile sometimes lowers the tension and is sometimes taken as mockery. There is no universal facial expression. It is more useful to speak calmly, not to threaten, not to come closer and not to make sudden movements.

If the attack could not be avoided, the goal is to stop the danger and get out, not to punish the person or win the scene. Once there is a chance to leave, the conflict is over.

Rage degrades your reading of what is happening. Before escalating, it is worth checking for a second:

Have I got this wrong?

Is there a way out?

What exactly am I defending right now?

Will this matter tomorrow?

Courage is not measured by the number of blows a person agreed to take for the sake of somebody else’s opinion.

What is badly estimated is not the probability of losing but the price of winning. A person who “won” in the courtyard then deals with the police, a forensic report, a lawyer, someone else’s family and a sum comparable to a year’s holiday budget. The one who struck first and the one who struck last explain themselves in the same office, and the nuances will be sorted out by someone who did not see the beginning. The most dangerous object in this scene is not a fist but the kerb behind whoever falls.

Hence the uncomfortable part: walking away looks like defeat to exactly the audience that will disperse to their homes in twenty minutes and never appear in this story again. Neither the court nor the trauma ward will ask its opinion.